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emmahircine posts

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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Choose your card, get your fortune told and get a dirty sur..

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Choose your card, get your fortune told and get a dirty surprise🖤🖤🖤

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Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? Because he couldn..

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Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? Because he couldn't find a date.

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What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no se..

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What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea.

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I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

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I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Th..

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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope th..

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Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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Why do hamburgers go to the gym? To get better buns.

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Why do hamburgers go to the gym? To get better buns.

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What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

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What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

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Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing..

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Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.

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Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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Who was Socrates’ worst student? Mediocrities. Who was his b..

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Who was Socrates’ worst student? Mediocrities. Who was his busiest student? The one with a lot on his Plato

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What did the librarian say when the books were in a mess? We..

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What did the librarian say when the books were in a mess? We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves!

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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negat..

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Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands.

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Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands.

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I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I ta..

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I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

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What is Forrest Gump's email password? 1Forrest1

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What is Forrest Gump's email password? 1Forrest1

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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I..

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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

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I put all my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.

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I put all my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.

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Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

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Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

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What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narni..

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What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narnia business!

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What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicy..

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What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.

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Why couldn’t Mario become a musician? Because he kept hittin..

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Why couldn’t Mario become a musician? Because he kept hitting the wrong blocks.

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a ca..

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

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A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soo..

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A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

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What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

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What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

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Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a..

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Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.  A woman ask..

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.  A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

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6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

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